Thursday, December 30, 2010

Be Gone, Stupid Words!!

End Of Year Lists abound, and my happy place on the nets here is no exception to it. Granted, in order to keep myself honest, I plan to post my resolutions on here to be marveled at and made fun of. But I also have a list of my own that needs to be purged from my always agitated mind; Words That I Wish To Never Hear Again in 2011!

At first I did a quick look to see if there was anything official on the interwebs to back up my selections of words that suck it. But alas, all I could find were the same office place buzzwords that were totally annoying back in 2007 when I actually had a reason to care about that shit.

With much disappointment, I did find Epic/Win/Fail listed as words that need to die. They have a special place in my heart, as I worship at the site of from time to time. But I'll admit, I'm just as guilty of Epic/Win/Fail as most of the rest of the world under the age of 25. I'm too old to be saying anything is "for the win." I should probably just admire Epic/Win/Fail from afar at this point. Though it may still slip out from time to time.

So here's my list, which I reserve the right to edit as I see fit as more words pop into my head. I'm also taking suggestions from the four of you who read this for words that annoy the poo-pants off you as well. It's always good to bounce ideas off of other people who may want to gag at the same prose you do.

Without further adieu, Words That I Wish To Never Hear Again in 2011!

* Swagger: I blame Ke$ha personally for that craptastic lyric, which now seems to be in every song in every mashup that I try to enjoy while working out. Sadly, the bastard cousin of "swagger" seems to be "sway", which is just as annoying, if not more so. Though I guess nothing rhymes with "pomp and circumstance", so Pop Music Making beggars can't be choosers. But I stand firm, swagger sucks, and sway sucks more.

* Due to witnessing a traumatic, literary train wreck, "nips" and "whimpers" make my list of words that need to not be used in 2011. I realize that banishing them being use in their proper form should be excluded. For example, "Please pass me the box of cheese nips, or I will whimper in pain due to the epic fail cravings I'm having for them." But when used as verbs in badly constructed, one lining, porn, "nips" and "whimpers" is more boring as "came/come" and "moan." If you're going to e-fuck on the fly, I say use quality since you can't have quantity. Use of a Thesaurus or Jude Deveruax Book with Fabio on the Cover Fail.

You know what, I'm tossing "tremble" and "murmur" in there as well. I smell those two as a front runner for the 2011's list.

* Hun: I'm guilty of that too. But I admit I use it when I'm not conscious enough to actually remember the proper spelling of someone's name, or just their name in general.

* Tea Baggers: Ew. 'Nuff said. I don't care that it's quasi-political now. My ex was a closet porn daddy, as it seems so are the politicians who made that Freudian slip. (And I'm sure there's a EPIC group of them.) Maybe just drop the Tea theme all together? Gin and Tonic Party? Roofie Colada Party, as suggested by Glen Quagmier? I like the second one. Cheers!

And finally for now...

* Television Event: The Mister pointed out that every show now seems to be a self proclaimed "Television Event." I think he's right. I hold ABC as the Kings of the Television Event, especially where the Thursday night lineup is concerned. After the snuff film that was the spring season finale of Grey's Anatomy, and that multi-year mind fuck called Lost, I have no faith in anything referred to as a "Television Event." In a desperate attempt to keep up with Networking Programming Joneses' , NBC tried shoving "Television Event" right up all of our asses with a show actually CALLED The Event. But that went down in flames like Chris Brown's career every time he opens his mouth or tweets. At this point, to me a "Television Event" is any time they a commercial that has The Old Spice Guy and Peggy from the Discover Card back to back. See for yourself...

It's true, anything IS possible when your man smells like a man, and not like a lady!! Knowledge like that is an event on to itself. Thank you, Old Spice, for schooling us all!!

Peggy makes me want to bust out a threadbare Coogi Sweater and hit a little cow bell every time someone asks me a question that I do not know the answer to. Maybe "cowbell" sound can be my new version of "hun?" I can see it. *Ding!*

That's right! I'm on a horse, having happy times, FTW!


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  2. I love Peggy...she is definitely, "an event". Nice work Hun!

  3. You know I can't think of any words to put in the trash with this kind of pressure. GAWD what an Epic fail - LOL Oh but when I'll know....*insert evil laugh* you will know!

    But how about some catch phrases like:

    “Get er dunnnn!”

    “Here’s your sign….”

    Or You can’t change stupid…

    Oh wait…how about anything blue comedy tour?


  4. Man, you're right about Chris Brown and The Event. But Blair Underwood was hot, right!!