Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Resolutions, 2011; Live long, and curse a bitch out!

Promises, promises! I have made many to myself, especially where this new year is concerned. Since I’ve now settled into the reality that I’m never ever going to get a Mother’s Day card from an actual child (The cards from the cats and dogs don’t count.) I’m bringing in the new year while doing the mid-life, pant shit.

In as much, I took some time this past week and invested in some high end, Belgium beer on sale to do some heavy drinking and thinking about some changes that need to be made. The end result was a two page list, scrawled in eyeliner, that’s not only totally illegible, but full of suggestions that just set the bar WAY too high.

Put on a full face of make up every day, even when I’m just going to the store? Fuck that action.

Once the Hops Haze wore off, and I could attempt to revamp my original intentions in the spirit that they were intended, I realized that what I wrote was the same crap I had been writing for years. Not the usual, lose ten pounds/eat like a pure bred Vegan Queen sort of resolution. But rather ones that were meant to help me clean the slate of the sty that is my proverbial home.

But there was one in particular...

On July 26th, 2010, I posted a blog on here declaring that come 2011, I was going to cut back on the myriad of naughty words that fall from my mouth on a minute to minute basis.

As you can see, it’s January 4th, and one could say that I blew the snot right out of that nostril. But let’s take a closer look, shall we?

When I originally wrote that post, I was scolded a mere 72 hours later by my girl, Noelle. She was outraged, claiming that it was my civic responsibility to go forth and cuss for all of man kind. That if I didn’t refer to the parking meter as a “fucking ass shit fucker” for no other reason than it was there, and it was charging me $3.00 to park for an hour on a SIDE STREET, then who would?

I told her I would happily consider her wishes, and then much to her delight, swore at her in Japanese because we were having sushi for dinner that night. I thought it would be a nice mood enhancer.

When Noelle went on to greener fields over this past summer, I vowed, in her honor, to keep the fucking dream alive. GO FORTH AND CUSS, I SHALL, SHIT HEADS! I’ll do it with pride, my head held high, my middle finger even higher. Even though it’s completely against why I even started this blog in the first place. She was right; I swear, therefore I am. My goal shouldn’t be to banish the stanky habit entirely, just learn to use it more appropriately. Not every occasion is one where the word “shit” needs to be used as an adjective or adverb. I know that now. I accept it.

As for the rest of the resolutions, they basically all revolve around the same principle, which is to be a better person. Be a better wife/daughter/friend, get my ass together both in and outside the house, and give back whenever I can. Simple things that usually get hard when other people are involved.

But I will persevere, and keep trying to strive to do stuff that will allow me to be all of those things that I subscribed to be when I began this little spot-o-blogosphere last July. I know you all wait with bated breath for the tale of the 2011 Bees and the sticky pot of well mannered honey that it’ll bring, as do I.

Insert curse word HERE!



  1. This blog is Bitchin! I have used up my quota of naughty words playing fantasy football this year.

  2. Fantasy football is exempt. Cuss on, little football solider! Cuss on!

  3. I am starting to embrace my inner cusser and I've found I cuss like a sailor. I can't stop, so you have to keep cussing too!