Thursday, August 19, 2010

Trolloping at the Beach

First off, let’s just look up the word “trollop.” According to, trollop means this...

buy trollop mugs, tshirts and magnets
a loose woman, a whore, a lady of the night, a slut ho biotech!
"your mother is such a complete trollop"

And oddly, this as well...

buy trollop mugs, tshirts and magnets
1.) Cindy McCain, as defined by John McCain in a 1992 senate campaign bid. It was a long day.
2.) A whore; a woman perceived as sexually disreputable or promiscuous.
"Cindy: You're getting a litte thin up there (twirling John's hair)
John: At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you See You Next Tuesday."

....I had to leave that last word off of there because my Mother in Law is reading this.

HI MOM!! *Waves*

Also, as you can see, if you’d like to purchase your Trollop mug, tshirt, or magnet, can hook you up! I have a few already in the mail for stocking stuffers for this upcoming holiday season.

But back to our blog here....

I’m not sure what Cindy McCain has to do with being a whore, but ok. Maybe in Arizona they just like a little dirty talk before they loose elections or shun immigrants and what have you. But judging from the true definition of the word, I’m thinking that Cindy McCain is the opposite of a trollop.

HOWEVER...this toothless, shirt stained, epic muffin top, ho-bag (with feet cracked so badly you could run a white water rafting trip on her heels,) I saw at the beach today may beg to differ.

Because I pretty much never take my Ipod earbuds out of my ears when in public by myself, people say some crazy shit within ear shot of me. On this occasion, Toothless Ho Bag was informing her two toothless, shirt stained, epic muffin topped friends that there was a “Trollop” their midst, trolloping about the sand, and polluting the beach with her trollopness, It was explained that the offending Trollop in question was a ginger, lacking a bra, and that she was so ugly that Toothless’ Ho Bag’s boyfriend would pay the Trollop money NOT to give him hand tuggies in the bathroom at the Shit Show Movie Theater across the street.

Given this amazingly in depth description, I just had to go see this Trollop for myself. And sure enough, there she was in all of her Trollop glory. She was easy to spot. Said Trollop was sitting quietly by herself, dicking around with her Iphone and designer dog, and sipping pure spring, cruelty free water from her $30 Sigg Canteen.

Yup. The Trollop wasn’t really a trollop as she was more of a Fuckin’ Hippie. The only part Toothless Ho Bag got right, was that Trollop Hippie wasn’t wearing a bra.

So what’s the moral of the story? Did I do the polite thing, and explain to Toothless Ho Bag the difference between a Trollop and a Fucking Hippie? I mean, knowledge is power, no? The more you know and all that bullshit...

Or did I explain to the Fucking Hippie that since she can afford (in my estimation) about $500 in accouterment to slum at the beach in style, she can probably afford a bra as well?

I did neither. Actually, I turned the music up and got the hell out of there. Between the trollops, toothless ho bags, and fucking hippies, I realized that the beach was no place for wholesome, moral people like myself. Then I rushed home to watch The Jersey Shore from last week on the DVR. I needed to be caught up for tonight.

I’m calling this one a Honey Wash. It was a loose-loose, in my estimation. Though the dog was cute, and probably aptly named “Cindy McCain.”

Trollop. The word of the day. Use it the next time you see a Fucking Hippie.

Until next time...Happy Trolloping To You!!

No comments:

Post a Comment