Sunday, August 1, 2010

I'm Horrible!!!

It used to be that when one would come across someone who was rude, they were filled with shock and awe. It was so out of the social norm to act like an asshole right in there in the wide open. It was almost as if seeing some uncouth fool was like looking at a unicorn up close and personal. A rarity to be marveled at, so you could tell glorified stories of to your friends at a later date, so they could be in shock and awe as well.

Sadly, in this new and modern age of asshattery, I’ve come to realize that there is a new norm, causing me to yearn for what once was. The old rule is now inside out; I completely expect people to be obnoxious, and I’m in shock and awe when they aren’t. I wish I could give out gold stars to the do-gooders who take a few moments out of their day to make the world a better place, one act of politeness at a time.

The inspiration for my Punk Ass Oprah A-Ha Moment was brought on by an experience I had over this past weekend. The first was when I was leaving my courtyard of death hell, where all manners and social graces are forsaken like a woman of ill repute on the streets of Jack The Ripper’s London.

With cat carrier and purse in tow, I staggered my way to the front gate, to see two of my neighbors making a living room out of the easement, yet again. However, this time, a woman I’ve never met, was kind enough to get the gate for me. I was pleasantly surprised, and more so, totally grateful. Navigating our tricked out gate lock isn’t for the weak, even if you’re telekinetic.

It was the Jerkwad she was that gets to wear The Paper Crown of Rude that caused me to stop in my tracks and actually take the time to stare him down and give him the stink eye.

“And here’s me just ignoring her. I know, I’m horrible.”

That’s what he says, with me not even out of earshot. If he kept his pie hole shut, I would have just assumed he didn’t offer to help me because the woman he was with did. But au contrare, he was well aware of his behavior. If this woman didn’t help me out, despite balancing the cat, my purse, and picking the lock like a juggling savant, Jerkwad would have acted like I don’t exist, leaving me to fend for myself like a damn fool.

I’d like to add, that I have never spoken to this man before. I’m not sure I even know his name. I think it’s Jerkwad. Nonetheless, if the roles were reversed, I of course would have helped him. Not just because it’s neighborly, but also because I wouldn’t want this guy to think I’m a fucking asshole. He, however, is all good with me thinking that about him. Mission accomplished!!

Or maybe Jerkwad is friends with Punk and his lazy dog, and it’s a conspiracy? Be all shitty to the girl who only wants to get in and out of the gate. I can see how that would be a fun way to spend an afternoon for two lonely men who have nothing but their cracked, brick walls, and a high assessment bill.

At this point, It’s safe to say, that as far as some of my neighbors go, I have come to expect nothing less than bullshit like this on such a fundamental level.

There is also another incident I'd like to mention, which isn’t really worth a story, but rather a PSA and word to the wise.

It is my wish for all in the world, to one day for all to have the manners to introduce people to each other when the situation calls for it.

For example, if you are...say...having a conversation with someone and you happen to see someone else that comes and joins you, I ask you to please, please take a quick moment to say, “So and so, this is so and so...” Then, if you like, a quick reference of how you two know each other. Then, do so in kind, in reverse. That way, your two acquaintances can take a moment to exchange their own pleasantries before you go about the business of kicking your first conversation to the curb and ice out your original guest.

It isn’t a complicated notion, nor is it one that is particularly unreasonable. It just seems to be a lost art; the act of a proper introduction. I really wish that was one of those things that could leave me in shock and awe, but it really does happen so often that I’ve learned to just walk away on queue or bust out my phone to check my Twatter feed. If I’m about to be ignored, I feel I must self sooth by seeing what stupid crap my favorite celebrity is tweeting.about.with.a.period.after.every.word.

Also, a word to the wise, don’t try and get to know your favorite celebrity on a social forum. They will only disappoint you. In my case, I discovered this particular celeb probably bats for the opposite team. So much for my torrid fantasies. Also this celeb probably is a pedantic thespian. That’s the worst kind of thespian there is. What a waste.

Buy anywhore....

What’s the point, really? I could always introduce myself, and today, I did, only for my “host” to pretty much admit the same thing Jerkwad did, that they were “horrible.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think being “horrible” is a good enough justification for the behavior. I'd prefer some honesty about it, that perhaps you just don't give a shit. If there was open admittance with that, I think I'd feel better about it, and could at least respect the fact that in your realm of social caste, I don't mean jack shit. At least then I know where I stand.

So what would the bee with the honey do? Jerkwad and the front gate is a lost cause. Though if I wouldn’t get busted I would think about thinking about leaving a bag of one of Biggie’s (that’s my fat pug) butt nuggets hanging in a plastic Target bag on his back door.

As for the introduction, I probably could have done that better by giving the HR smile, (which is when you smile ever so slightly to give the illusion that you’re not making a judgement, even though you TOTALLY are) making light out of the gaffe with a witty quip, and then excusing myself by taking all of my shit and just leaving them there.

When I did introduce myself, I didn’t do a good job of masking my momentary disdain for the person I was with, which wasn’t appropriate for the stranger. It wasn’t Strangers responsibility to make the introduction. Also, just because my “host” is rude, doesn’t mean that I should be. So, I was a bit "horrible" as well.

Now I know for the next time, at least. If I see a stranger coming, smile up, hand out, phone with livestream twatter feed away. I can do it! I know I can!!

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